AND COUNTING...
Still can't sleep, but I guess that is just preparation for what's to come....
But maybe, just maybe, I'll be so lucky as to get a baby that likes to sleep at night unlike her 2 brothers!
It is so surreal that in 2 days I will have a baby girl! It is exciting, while very strange at the same time.
I had pre-op at the hospital today (yesterday...this is written Tuesday 2:00 AM). I was visualizing that in 2 days my family & friends will fill the waiting area while I am back behind the closed doors having surgery...it is still hard to think about that while the last time I had a c-section it ended with no baby to hold (well, I did hold him, but just his little body). It brings back the grief & loss all over.
Yet God is so good and faithful to His word. While I was in the hospital recovering last time, He gave me a vision of a little girl that I knew would be mine--with black curly hair. So, in His time, I knew she would come. His timing is NOT ours, but perfect nonetheless!!
The other day I looked up the meaning of the name we have chosen for her...
Katherine is derived from Gr. word for "Pure" and Jane is feminine version of John in Hebrew which means "God is gracious". Tell me this is not from God.
Pure is what we are in the blood of Jesus & only His blood can make us clean. I certainly am NOT perfect, but God sees me that way in Him. God has dealt with me on my desire to be perfect in things I do...He has shown me that I don't have to be perfect...just following and trusting Him.
God's mercy is something I have also been looking at via the fruit of the Spirit (I am sort of writing a Bible study on that). It is His Mercy that leads us to His love and peace and joy! In Him ALONE do I have the strength to make it! We sang a song Sunday at church that speaks of Him being a strong tower. THAT IS HOW I have made it through these past 4 years + and will make in raising another child. He wants to be who we run to...not just in time of need but to be our everything!
So it is in that strength that I move forward these next couple of days...it is SO amazing that I have an amazing little girl inside of me and can't wait for her to be on the outside!! My prayer for her is that she will be a mighty woman of God. I know God already knows her and has her life planned. I pray that she will know God too and follow His plan for her. I also pray this for my boys all the time!
Tomorrow (oops...today Tuesday) is my last dr's apointment then Mom & I are running a few last errands to pick up the last of the must haves before KJ comes. Tomorrow nite I have my last NST at hospital, but I anticipate that all will be fine! Wed is a pamper day...have a massage, then mani, then pedi...also have to pack for hospital. Thursday have to be at hospital by 11:00 with surgery set for 1:00...
Richard's parents are taking the boys for the day Tuesday! What a joy for them & a blessing for me! :)
Thanks for all your prayers and support!! Mandy